“We were a two career family. I was a nuclear engineer. I designed shields for the fuel reactors on the first nuclear submarines. He was a carpenter.”
For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:
“You know! Boys will be boys!”
“He’s just going through a phase!”
“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”
“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”
“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”
She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.
It was so tempting.
He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.
His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”
Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”
The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.
Sociologist (and ASA president) Annette Lareau, among others in the field, talking about the role of social class in educational outcomes.
"Stylin’ out." That’s how Monica L. Miller, an associate professor of English at Barnard College, describes the way black people have used dress to expand definitions of blackness, gender, and sexuality. Men in particular have “styled their way from slaves to dignified human beings,” she writes in Slaves to Fashion (Duke University Press, 2009).
- Stacy Patton (The Chronicle of Higher Education)
I think it is really interesting that this map uses the phrase “support Israel” to indicate a vote against Palestine. Just saying.
In honor of Joe’s 70th birthday on November 20th, here’s some of his best, and funniest moments. Happy Birthday, Mr. Vice President!
- Joe Biden on Jill Biden: “I will not leave the house- I swear to god, until she kisses me and gives me a hug”
- Joe Biden fist bumps Kal Penn while wearing aviators
- Joe Biden’s 2012 DNC Speech
- Joe Biden guest stars on Parks and Recreation
- President Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid make fun of Joe Biden because women love him- “People were propositioning him” “Where were we where all those women started saying, Joe you’re hot?”
- Joe Biden on Carmen Sandiego
- Joe Biden does a magic trick
- Joe Biden and Speaker of the House John Boehner engage in man hug, Boehner brags about golf
- Joe Biden’s Top Ten on David Letterman
- Joe Biden cries after his son Beau nominates him at the DNC
- Joe Biden gets choked up talking about his past at the 2008 vice presidential debate
- “With all due respect, that’s a bunch of malarkey”
- Joe Biden talks about his stuttering problem on The View
- Joe Biden to Obama: “This is a big fucking deal”
- Joe Biden gives 17-year-old girl a ride to his rally
- Joe Biden endorses same-sex marriage
- “I promise you, the President has a big stick”
- Dr. Jill Biden makes accidental joke about Joe Biden’s penis, Joe laughs
- “America’s Happy Warrior” walks onto stage, fist pumps
- Joe Biden makes a really awkward sex joke about his parents
- I Want Joe Biden, Need Joe Biden
- Joe Biden’s “It Gets Better”
- Obama and Biden go on a burger run
- Joe Biden sworn in as 47th Vice President
- Joe Biden’s 2008 DNC speech
- Dr. Jill Biden’s 2012 DNC Speech
bold = my personal favorites
Happy Birthday Joe. Happy Birthday.
Alejandro Guijarro - Momentum (2010-12)
“The artist travelled to the great quantum mechanics institutions of the world and, using a large-format camera, photographed blackboards as he found them. Momentum displayed the photographs in life-size.
Before he walked into a lecture hall Guijarro had no idea what he might find. He began by recording the blackboard with the minimum of interference. No detail of the lecture hall was included, the blackboard frame was removed and we are left with a surface charged with abstract equations. Effectively these are documents. Yet once removed from their institutional beginnings the meaning evolves. The viewer begins to appreciate the equations for their line and form. Color comes into play and the waves created by the blackboard eraser suggest a vast landscape or galactic setting. The formulas appear to illustrate the worlds of Quantum Mechanics. What began as a precise lecture, a description of the physicist’s thought process, is transformed into a canvas open to any number of possibilities.”
1. Cambridge (2011)
2. Stanford (2012)
3. Berkeley I (2012)
4. Berkeley II (2012)
5. Oxford (2011)